Lessons Learned, Wedding Planning Tips, and Harsh Realities Part 2

As joyous of an occasion a wedding is, it has a side that I see more brides speaking on. When I started working on this portion of the post, I made a list until I realized it was redundant. So, I’m going to sum it up. I always looked forward to this time and process to plan my wedding. Every decision made was done together for our day. Planning the wedding itself was easy. We enjoyed talking to the vendors, creating the timelines, picking the theme, all of that. Everything outside of the planning is what made the process difficult. The unsolicited opinions, the unrealistic expectations projected onto us, and how self-centered, entitled, and audacious people can become. All of this during the most important time in our life made us completely understand why some couples cancel their wedding or decide not to have one at all to avoid the stress and pressure placed on them. Due to this we became mentally and emotionally drained by worrying about people’s perception of what we decided was best for us in every aspect. However, we got over that quickly.  Most will never understand until they plan their own wedding. Would we do it again? Yes, we would because our wedding was beautiful and resulted in everything we desired because we stuck to our vision. However, we’ll have some minor adjustments.

Now to keep it all the way real… here are a few harsh realities of getting married/having a wedding:

• Not everyone is genuinely happy for you:  This is unfortunate, but it is the truth. Most of the time people are thinking of what they’ll no longer have access to or what they think they’re missing out on. This can result in a lack of support, not saying or doing anything, or simply bringing unnecessary chaos in large and subtle ways. This has more to do with the unhappiness within the person than the couple themselves.
• Trust people to be exactly who they are: Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean people will miraculously change or support at the capacity you need. For example, if you know this person is late for everything or is a habitual line stepper (in my Charlie Murphy voice) don’t think just because you’re getting married that this will change. People will be people; it is what it is.
• You cannot please everyone: it is inevitable. Some may not be happy with the decisions you made for your big day because it doesn’t directly benefit them. Whether it’s the day you chose, who you invited, your colors, and the meal selection. People can have the “best” intentions but that goes out the window if the couple is ultimately being disrespected especially if the intentions have an underlining self-serving agenda. Everything we decided was deliberate, and the things we couldn’t do we had serious reasons why, in which most were beyond our control.

When it is all said and done, we didn’t want to walk away from our day with regrets. After all of the hard work of putting our heart and soul into this, we didn’t want to go to our hotel suite at the end of the night and say, “what we should have done” or “I wish we did this or that.” We wanted our loved ones to have a wonderful time and easy transitions from the ceremony to the reception, feel inspired, eat good food, dance, and enjoy an elegant ambiance. But the day itself was about US and our desires. We were as reasonable and accommodating as we could be without deterring us from the type of day and process, we wanted. All we, and I’m sure most couples want for their big day, is simple: respect and support. If you’re unable to provide that, it is okay but do not bring additional stress and negativity to the couple simply do not attend.