I admit it, I was the little girl that dreamt of her wedding day. I would imagine the planning process, wearing a beautiful dress, my makeup, heels, long diamond earrings with a matching head piece, a gorgeous hairstyle, my closest friends and family, and the excitement of marrying the love of my life. I used to sneak and listen to my Mom’s Body & Soul CD’s. I know y’all remember those, along with the commercials that came on late at night on BET. Those albums had the best R&B songs that made you want to be in love. I watched all the wedding themed movies and shows like Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, and David Tutera.

I come from a big southern traditional Christian family. In my church, much was taught about what you shouldn’t do leading up to marriage but not much on what it actually is, the purpose of it, and more deeply why do so many people want it, why others don’t, how to make it last, what is considered a good marriage, and what is a bad one etc. A lot of my great aunts, grandmothers, uncles, and cousins were married in their late teens or before the age of 25. They also had children around that time too. Those were the examples I had and leading up to my late 20’s they were still married. The fact that they were married for so long meant something to me. I didn’t ask much about how they knew their spouse was the one and if they felt ready for marriage. If I want to be vibrant and in good health, being married by thirty or before was the goal and a good marker for success I thought. But, in the meantime I focused on excelling in every space I entered. My education, career, traveling to new places, dressing up when I went out, staying in shape, and keeping my finances in check. I was living my best life in my single independent woman fine auntie era. I told myself if I never found the one then I want to make sure I had myself together and had happiness and peace within myself. The thought didn’t occur to me that my person would find me, I often wondered if the perfect man for me existed. Some people are called to be single, and this could be what God saw fit for me, which I didn’t think was a bad thing either. Failed attempts at romantic relationships led to redefining what love looks like and to get to the source of love. For me it’s God. My goal was to understand it from his perspective, in my adulthood. It took addressing everything I was insecure about, examining my childhood, and why I was okay with accepting the bare minimum when I was worth much more. My father, grandfather, and uncle passed away when I was younger, they were the father figures in my life. It affected me. I realized I had a fear of a man loving me and then leaving me. This caused me to hang on longer to situations I knew weren’t meant to last. Even though I held myself in high regard and knew what I wanted in a future husband and loved myself…but wait, did I really love myself? Did I really know what I wanted? What about what I needed? Do I know what I need? Around 26, I saw more of my peers getting married, having beautiful families, and purchasing homes. I was happy and inspired by them, however, I kept wondering “when is my turn? I’m tired of getting it wrong, why am I getting it wrong?” 

In 2018, I purchased the “Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be, A 90-Day Guide to Living the Proverbs 31 Life” devotional by Donna Partow. Sporadically, I read the lessons, scriptures, and completed the follow up writing assignments. However, I didn’t become consistent until the latter end of the year. I became diligent in my study. It caused me to think about what it means to be equally yoked. I had to make room in my heart and mind for what I wanted to come and be prepared to receive it. This took accountability and discernment. An “ah ha” moment was realizing having chemistry and being compatible with someone are completely different things. Having good conversations with someone and having an attraction to them does not equate to them being a good partner or a match for you. It’s important to take a deeper look beyond the surface before investing your time to examine the person’s way of thinking, their morals, and values, how they approach conflict, are they a glass half empty or half full person, how do they behave when disappointed, and if their goals align with yours. Doing the devotional helped to reestablish and revitalize my relationship with God in a different way, it added another layer to it. It was more mature.

The following year was transitional and one of the most emotionally draining years for me. I was completing my last two terms of graduate school, working full time in a place I outgrew, ending a three-year long-distance relationship, and losing numerous family members. My stress was through the roof on top of trying to find a better job post-graduation. I was tired and, in a funk, because at 27, life was not going the way I felt it should. One weekend I came back to town from a work trip and sat in my car outside of my apartment, I wanted to cry. But instead, I whipped out my phone and for about 5 minutes I began to talk. I have no idea why I felt compelled to do this, but I did. I spoke about peace being a priority and taking every aspect of my life more seriously and that whoever wanted access to me needed to come “healed” and ready. That video was me announcing my “Shift2Thirty” on Saturday, Sept. 28^th, 2019, at 8:27am to be exact. One day I will share the video.

I wanted to make changes going into 2020, so, I did three things:

• I got a new tattoo on my left wrist that says, “love yourself first.” This was a declaration to be more intentional of taking care of my mind, continuing to build my relationship with God, my health by eating better and exercising more, holding myself accountable, standing on my boundaries, and being mindful of who I allow to have access to me.
• Planned a vision board party with my friends. A vision board is a visual representation of your goals, things hoped for, and your dreams. You can create a collage of pictures and words that display the success you intend on achieving. Once your board is complete whether it is physical or a digital one, hang it up in plain sight to look at it every day to visualize, plan, pray, and work on everything you placed on it. When we completed our boards, we each chose a song that represented our mindset for the year and explained our boards. I chose “Penthouse” by Dave East. I loved his Survival album, listen to it when you can, ya girl got layers. My board was comprised of vacation pictures, new furniture, words of affirmation, and a picture of a married couple. I explained my goals and what each picture symbolized. The last thing I said without thinking was “I’m meeting my husband this year.” When I sat down, I thought “oh s***” I cannot believe I said that aloud, I didn’t mean to.
• As shocked as I was, I went home that night, and I did it. I not only prayed for myself that God would prepare me, soften my heart, and provide me with wisdom but for the specific things I desired in my future husband.

Little did I know a month later Friday, Feb. 14^th, 2020, would be the day it happened. He came to me.